it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I booty called her while she was in labor.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
