where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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