I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
