You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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