how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
