He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
