well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
