I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Randomize
