I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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