Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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