I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
