i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
