I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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