They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
