If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
