I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
