Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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