i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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