I wanna bring you to show and tell
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
