jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
