I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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