in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
