I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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