honey bunches of taint.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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