Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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