The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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