i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Every concussion has its silver lining
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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