Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I am one with the molecules
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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