I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
