I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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