we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
