You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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