Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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