Just mADE A PArabola og urine
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
