the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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