I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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