I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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