I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
