when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
