I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
