we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I can text with my tongue
they need to just BURY HIM!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
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stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
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OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
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