I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
