Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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