What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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