Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
