She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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