That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
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I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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