everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
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You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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