i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
