So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
