I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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