I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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