Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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