I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
