She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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