Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
