I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
