You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
