Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize