its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
