So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
