Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
