I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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