i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Hippo gnu deer
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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