In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Pants are for mortals
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
