yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
