Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
