He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm getting married
To pizza
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
