please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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