Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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