party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
