We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
