Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
sick fucks of a feather flock together
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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