I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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