I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
