dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
