she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
