I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
