I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
